Handling Performances While Being Sick

This week has been a blur for me. This past Monday I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bronchitis and walking pneumonia. It was horrible. I slept from Friday afternoon through to Tuesday afternoon. Ended up missing most of my classes this week - luckily, I informed my professors of my sickness and they were gracious to excuse me. The premiere of my piece, Silence, was on Tuesday (audio from the concert below). The performance was amazing. Sadly, while I was in attendance, I wasn't in attendance. My mind was far more focused on getting better and prepping for the two finals that I had this week.

Silence - Click Me!

If you'd like to comment on the performance, you can visit the posting on Young Composers Music Forum:

YC Silence - Click Me!!

I was greatly appreciative of the wonderful musicians who rehearsed with me (and took it upon themselves to meet when I couldn't be there due to being sick). They were amazing.

Mezzo-Soprano: Meredith Godsall
Oboe: Taylor Nelson
Horn: Josh Rosen
Violoncello: Sarah Zilonis

I was also impressed with a few of the other pieces on the program by my colleagues in the composition department at the Chicago College of Performing Arts. When I get my last final done on Monday, I'll rip the audio and share their amazing works with my readers here, but here is a list of some of the other amazing pieces:

A Cadenza Prior to a Revolution - Daniel Fawcett
Devil Wings - TJ Russo
Story of the Eye for Solo Flute in 13 Parts - Daniel Souphis
4 Songs - Dominic Frigo
Nay Nava - Parisa Sabet

I hope everyone is ready for the holidays! Merry Christmas!!

New Composition in the works

Working on a new composition. I've been thinking a lot on mortality and similar topics. The result of that pontificating is a poem which explores the three scenes of a person's life. Yes, I know, I have been so into portraying scenes in my music of late. The three scenes are: 1) Youthful rebellion, 2) Middle Age realization of mortality, and 3) Twilight and the waiting for the inevitable. Interspersed between these scenes is a refrain of silence and a saying about one's observation on time. I think it's going to be a pretty interesting work. Musically, I am working with very limited material for this: a 6 note scale and just two ideas pulled from it. It's going to be interesting to see if I can pull an interesting work out of this - hopefully, I can do it.

Also, I have great news! I am getting published!!! I am still pouring over the contract and making sure everything is to my liking - but I am excited none-the-less. Now to see if I can come up with a way to pay for my schooling, lol.

Hope everyone is staying warm! Have a great day!

Chicago!

First, I just want to say that Chicago is..... ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! I love this city and am starting to really be able to maneuver around this area without any problems!

Second, I have had an amazing week of orientation at CCPA! My teachers are amazing and the school is so 'serious' about music study! I think I'll do well here. I registered for my classes today:

Musicianship I ABC (Aural, Sight Singing, and Written Theory)
Elements of Conducting
Composition Seminar
Composition Lessons with Dr. Choi
Music History I

Third, I also now work for the Chicago Symphony's Priority Seating department! I started on Monday!!!

That's just a bit of the excitement of my week this week. It's been amazing here! LOVE IT!

Last Night In Central Illinois!

Tonight is my last night as a resident of Central Illinois! Tomorrow morning at 11 AM I will be heading to Indianapolis, IN to spend time with my family one last time before my move up to Chicago. The past 3 years in the area here have really been life changing ones for me. I went from being freshly separated from an 8 year relationship and working a job which I hated to being back in school in pursuit of my own dreams with the new found ability to make my own decisions. It's moments like these where I'm reminded of those cheesy 1980 films that showcased a child coming up in poverty, experiencing life in their twenties, and then making a decision to do 'something' with their life. You all know the films. I guess I'm sort of like that - the world feels now in my grasp.

Now to just work harder than I ever worked in my life and seek to make my goals and dreams a true reality.

Better Today...

So I woke up this morning and stepped outside. Was an absolutely breathtaking morning! It got me thinking though... no matter how much drama can occur in a day, there is always another day. And today has been a lot better actually.

Threatened Dreams....

Today has been one of those days!

To start, my laptop was the poor recipient of a spilled cup of water! I usually have a glass of water or cup of coffee to the right of my laptop on the desk. As I was trying to swat a fly, my hand grazed the cup of water and knocked it right on top of the laptop! The laptop works but the monitor does not.

Second, I learned today that my appeal for an increase in Pell Grant was denied. The result is that I now have about a week and a half to come up with $7,944 in remaining tuition/room and board costs for my college. This has greatly depressed me today. I've worked very hard the past year in trying to achieve my goals and now am faced with the prospects of my pursuance of my career goals being in jeopardy due to financial reasons. I have applied for private loans over the past month - only to be told that each of the 7 different cosigners I have used were ineligible! I have also applied for several scholarships - sadly, I wont know of any of them until after school starts. I have also gotten a job interview at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra in their tele-sales department! I don't think I'll make a whole lot of money though due to my obligations at Roosevelt. The good news is... that my tuition itself is pretty much paid for! The 7944 due is from the combined cost of housing and the mandatory health insurance.

Third, I realized today that I am going to be stressed over leaving my partner of 2 years for, at least, the next year. He is going to be attending the esthetics program at the Midwest College of Cosmetology at Lincoln College in Bloomington-Normal. His costs are fine for the first semester and short for the second semester. I have come to greatly appreciate his company over the past 2 years. He has pushed me to pursue my own goals and aspirations in ways that no one before him has been able to do. His support to me is something I greatly appreciate and is something that I feel has pushed me to seek the best for myself in pursuance of my dreams.

I have faced a lot of disappointment in my life. My mother disappeared years ago and, as the years go by, is constantly on my mind. My father passed away, as many of my readers may know, back in April of 2010 in a shed fire. The closest relative on my mother's side, my Uncle, has been battling cancer for the past few years. It's not been an easy life that I lead and music has always given me the strength to overlook the many obstacles I have faced with some amount of strength. I hope, and pray, that I can overcome this latest obstacle and rise above to achieve that which I know I am capable of achieving. This career path I am now pursuing, I feel, is the path of my destiny. The path I was meant to do. I don't know what the future holds for me - I do know though, that with my patience, resilience, and intellect that I can go to my first placement test a week from Monday and know that I will be able to finish out my year without any interruption! I've worked very hard, and I know that I will have to work even harder to finish this chapter in my life.

Wonderful Thanksgiving!!

So, I had a great Thanksgiving today. Lot's of new family around! It makes me realize how happy I am now and how far I've come in the last 12 years of my adult life. Woke up this morning to a wonderful person laying next to me in bed so peacefully. Then walked to get my first cup of coffee of the day, and saw a wonderful family that I'm now a part of. Ate a wonderful meal then went to see Burlesque! Wonderful movie. Once I got home, I played Santa Claus to my nieces and nephews. This is a good life - and it's only going to get better! Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Inactivity

So, I've been extremely busy the past couple months with school and composition.  For summer term, I passed all my classes and achieved a 4.0 GPA!!!  I was so excited about it.  So, my goal for the remainder of the year is to maintain that 4.0 GPA.  I've completed a few new works while in school - nothing real substantial though.  As always, the links to these are below - if anyone cares to check them out.  Will try to keep this updated as much as possible.

String Quartet - for the young composers august competition

Substantial Colonization - a work for string orchestra

Rondo for String Trio - a short work for violin, viola, and violoncello

Crux Sancta - A work for A Capella Choir

Miniature Suite - A short series of works for various ensembles

Resuming Work

My father's memorial service went very well.  I arrived back in Illinois late last night and am GLAD to be back home!  I registered for courses during my trip and look forward to resuming school in June.  Also, I've started my third piano trio today.  I don't have much of it finished BUT am excited to start composing again (I was unable to compose a lick the last two weeks!)

From Indianapolis

I haven't written anything in a week!  I am soooo sorry.  It's been a very hectic time the past week.  My father passed away and I've been in Indianapolis since.  Sadly, I haven't been able to compose - since my laptop is still in the shop AND I don't have a replacement.  Instead, I purchased a new desktop - which, of course, it is in Illinois.  Some news since:  my father's service is pending, i've met my nephew finally, i've gotten to know my step-mother and her family, AND I've come to realize I miss Indianapolis.  Whether that will equate to me moving back to my hometown - I don't know.  I enjoy the country, it's peaceful.  There's not a lot of people around.  I can compose to my hearts content.  Besides, I start school in June and will register for classes this next Monday.  So, I'm tied down there.  I suppose, if anything, this will mean lots of trips back to Indy to visit all my family - something I will from now on make a regular thing to do!

Death

Today, I received the news that no one my age wishes or wants to hear.  My father, aged 50, died this morning in his workshop.  At first, and even still, the shock is full on - coupled with tears.  I never really got to know him.  He and my mother separated in 1986, when I was only 6 years old.  The animosity she had towards him was always something that kept my brother and I from having a fruitful relationship with him.  I wouldn't see him again till I was 16. My birthday.  He came over and gave me a birthday present: an acoustic guitar.  My mother never nurtured my music in that manner - she would never come to any of my concerts.  But yet, this man who I shared blood with - the very man, my mother called a jackass daily - acknowledged my musical talent.  I wouldn't see him again till 2003 - 2004, when he had a severe seizure that ended him up in the hospital.  I was naive then.  I wanted the relationship with my father - but was afraid to actually get that relationship.  Today, after receiving the news this morning, I regret my naivete.  I know, dad, that you are in a better place now.  Where you won't have to deal with the pangs of existence.  I will miss you.  I wish I had had the chance to share the joys the future holds for me.  I wish I had the chance to share the fruits of my work with you.  I wish I had the chance to get to know you.  To learn from the lessons you saw in life and to relish every moment of life - right to your old age.  I love you, Dad.

Taking a break (for the most part)

I felt extremely tired this morning when waking up. My sinuses were inflamed, my legs hurt, and I had a nice healthy headache - so, I decided to lay off working on music today (for the most part). Sometimes, I will work till my eyes droop down and I fall asleep at the keyboard. Other times, I'll wake up and first thing I do is come on to check my scores and add notes and bars and passages - I work WAY too much. Usually, that doesn't bother me - besides the obvious worry about writing things noone else hears but myself. I do have performance opportunities - but most of those are months down the road. At times, I wish a kind benefactor would read this blog or my twitter or my facebook or my forum posts and show sympathy on me and offer to perform a work of mine... that would make me estatic beyond measure.

Overcoming Obstacles

Life has been a bit difficult for me the past week or so. Situations around me are changing - but surprisingly one thing has remained that I am devotedly working on: my music. The brass preludes are being added to - rather slowly BUT the work and results are good. I am now composing feverishly from the moment I awake till the moment I'm ready for bed - so much music to compose. My output has slowed as I work meticulously over each and every bar - making sure each note is perfect within my ideal of the piece itself. My eyes, despite the change in living situation, is still focused on my hopeful career as a composer. My good news is that I am now collaborating with a DJ from the east coast - assisting him in composing his tracks. The results of this venture would be immense for my career and would *hopefully* provide me the capital necessary to continue to compose full time. On the classical front, I am sending off the Preludes this Friday! This will meet the deadline for the opportunity in which they were composed. My favorite of the set of 6 is the fifth. This work is quite personal in sound and touch as it utilizes, I think, the brass quite well. I'll post a link to the works once the full set is finished.