Indianapolis Family Time

In Indianapolis with my family for one last week before move-in day this Saturday! Going to see my Grandma tomorrow! So excited!

Got an email today from the head of the composition department at Roosevelt. I will be studying with Dr. Choi! I was hoping to get Dr. Garrop but I'm not going to complain. Dr Choi seems like a very knowledgeable woman! Really stoked about the start of the school year!!! <3

Last Night In Central Illinois!

Tonight is my last night as a resident of Central Illinois! Tomorrow morning at 11 AM I will be heading to Indianapolis, IN to spend time with my family one last time before my move up to Chicago. The past 3 years in the area here have really been life changing ones for me. I went from being freshly separated from an 8 year relationship and working a job which I hated to being back in school in pursuit of my own dreams with the new found ability to make my own decisions. It's moments like these where I'm reminded of those cheesy 1980 films that showcased a child coming up in poverty, experiencing life in their twenties, and then making a decision to do 'something' with their life. You all know the films. I guess I'm sort of like that - the world feels now in my grasp.

Now to just work harder than I ever worked in my life and seek to make my goals and dreams a true reality.

Threatened Dreams....

Today has been one of those days!

To start, my laptop was the poor recipient of a spilled cup of water! I usually have a glass of water or cup of coffee to the right of my laptop on the desk. As I was trying to swat a fly, my hand grazed the cup of water and knocked it right on top of the laptop! The laptop works but the monitor does not.

Second, I learned today that my appeal for an increase in Pell Grant was denied. The result is that I now have about a week and a half to come up with $7,944 in remaining tuition/room and board costs for my college. This has greatly depressed me today. I've worked very hard the past year in trying to achieve my goals and now am faced with the prospects of my pursuance of my career goals being in jeopardy due to financial reasons. I have applied for private loans over the past month - only to be told that each of the 7 different cosigners I have used were ineligible! I have also applied for several scholarships - sadly, I wont know of any of them until after school starts. I have also gotten a job interview at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra in their tele-sales department! I don't think I'll make a whole lot of money though due to my obligations at Roosevelt. The good news is... that my tuition itself is pretty much paid for! The 7944 due is from the combined cost of housing and the mandatory health insurance.

Third, I realized today that I am going to be stressed over leaving my partner of 2 years for, at least, the next year. He is going to be attending the esthetics program at the Midwest College of Cosmetology at Lincoln College in Bloomington-Normal. His costs are fine for the first semester and short for the second semester. I have come to greatly appreciate his company over the past 2 years. He has pushed me to pursue my own goals and aspirations in ways that no one before him has been able to do. His support to me is something I greatly appreciate and is something that I feel has pushed me to seek the best for myself in pursuance of my dreams.

I have faced a lot of disappointment in my life. My mother disappeared years ago and, as the years go by, is constantly on my mind. My father passed away, as many of my readers may know, back in April of 2010 in a shed fire. The closest relative on my mother's side, my Uncle, has been battling cancer for the past few years. It's not been an easy life that I lead and music has always given me the strength to overlook the many obstacles I have faced with some amount of strength. I hope, and pray, that I can overcome this latest obstacle and rise above to achieve that which I know I am capable of achieving. This career path I am now pursuing, I feel, is the path of my destiny. The path I was meant to do. I don't know what the future holds for me - I do know though, that with my patience, resilience, and intellect that I can go to my first placement test a week from Monday and know that I will be able to finish out my year without any interruption! I've worked very hard, and I know that I will have to work even harder to finish this chapter in my life.

Piano Sonata and family news

Continuing work on my piano sonata while doing some in depth studying this weekend for my finals next week. The piano sonata has been slowly churning, lol. I'm just now at about 100 bars - going slow due to the fact that I've been extremely busy with classes.

On the family front, my Uncle's cancer has come out of remission at Stage 3! So, I'm going to make sure I spend extra time with him when I go to Indy on the 23rd. He's been very close to me over the years, and in many ways has filled the place of my parents when they couldn't be there for me. So, yeah, he's been a very important part of my life.

Genealogical Findings

Over spring break I went to good old southern Indiana to search the local cemeteries for ancestors. To my surprise, I discovered about 10 graves belonging to the Meurer family. The graves were pretty easy to find and I was able to snap photos of all of them. One place I wish I had stopped was Fountain County's Mount Hope Cemetery. I discovered, while doing searches for my great great grandfather William H Hopper, his tombstone at the cemetery along with his wife Mary J Linville. He has been a very hard person to track down since he went by William later in life and Harrison (or Harris) early in life. In the 1920 census, I located him in Covington, IN. along with his son Walter J. Hopper (who is listed on the 1900 census along with my Great Grandfather S W Hopper, thus connecting the two.) It's been a fascinating, yet extremely difficult task of reconstructing the family history. Now if only I could find out where my great great great grandfather, Philipp A. Meurer, was born at in Germany and WHEN he arrived in America.

On the musical front, I have also been toiling away on a new piano sonata. I have the first movement nearly finished - just working diligently on the development section. The work is a bit different than my regular works. I'm really trying to apply the sonata-allegro format in a different way than I've normally done. Will keep you updated!

Genealogy... Planning for School... and a possible new work in the works!!

It has been an extremely hectic last month! I've been working to raise up the other $500 for my housing deposit (have about 1/2 of it saved and am working on the last half now)! I'm SO looking forward to my time at Roosevelt CCPA. I think it will be an experience of a lifetime! Aside from that, I have been plunging head long into finding out more about my family history. So far, I have discovered 2 Jewish lines in my family that hitherto have been hidden in time! The first is on my mothers side and the second is on my father's side! So exciting. Today, I devoted time to my Hopper roots (my mother's maiden name is Hopper). I discovered that my GGG Grandfather Elijah H Hopper lived in Hopkinsville, KY. He was a wealthy merchant. During the Civil War, I found documentation of transactions made between him and both the Union and Confederate Armies for medical supplies! Fascinating history, really. I also discovered in the Christian County, KY marriage records a STARTLING find: A brother or cousin of Elijah, named Jeremiah Hopper, married a Zachariah Duncan in 1811!!!! Yes, that's right, it's a gay marriage! I viewed the actual document and was just aghast at the news! Musically, I've been pretty much in a dry spell. I think it's probably due to all that has gone on the past few months. I'm going to hopefully begin work on a series of piano miniatures that I've been gestating for a while now. I'll keep you guys (and gals) abreast of any new works!

Genealogy...

When I'm not in class, writing music, or studying, I like to delve into genealogical research. For the past few years, I've been painstakingly piecing together the history of my family. My mother's side was fairly pieced together from my grandmothers work years ago - but there were lots of gaps AND lots of assumptions made based on oral family history. My father's side was largely unknown - all we knew was his dad, my grandfather, was from New Jersey! Doing the research today, I realized that I've done a lot of research and the results are amazing. I think that might make a good book one day!

End of Semester

Thursday was my last final and signified the end of Fall Semester. I learned a lot this past semester. Acquired a wonderful friend, who is an amazing teacher and composer herself, and have taken the next steps in moving forward in my life towards a goal that now is more attainable then ever. It's amazing, at times, to think how much things change in life. That someone can go through so much over a short period of time is just simply astounding. This semester ended on a very good note. In my World Civilization and Intermediate Algebra courses I got an A. I do not yet know what I received in Understanding Music and Composition 121. I'm fairly certain in U.M. I got an A. I can only hope, however, I got an A in Comp 121! That would make another semester with a perfect 4.0 GPA!! Thanks!

Wonderful Thanksgiving!!

So, I had a great Thanksgiving today. Lot's of new family around! It makes me realize how happy I am now and how far I've come in the last 12 years of my adult life. Woke up this morning to a wonderful person laying next to me in bed so peacefully. Then walked to get my first cup of coffee of the day, and saw a wonderful family that I'm now a part of. Ate a wonderful meal then went to see Burlesque! Wonderful movie. Once I got home, I played Santa Claus to my nieces and nephews. This is a good life - and it's only going to get better! Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Thanksgiving

Well, I've survived the night before Thanksgiving, somewhat. My mind keeps going to my father and hoping that he's in a good place. I miss him a lot. I can't wait till Friday, when I go see my stepmother (his widow). Then I'll be with family - always a good thing.

Just a few thoughts.

Today started off like any other for me. Good class this morning. As it progressed though, I began to think back on the events of the past year: loss of my father, going back to school, and yearning for finding my mother who has been missing for almost a decade now. I realized how much I have been through the past eleven months and how much I've been through over the past 30 years. I also look at where I'm at now and think: will I ever get somewhere with my life? Is all I have to deal with ever going to end? I know now, as opposed to ten years ago, that I really do hold my own life in my hands. These two hands that have experienced a lot of the bad the world has to offer. These events have greatly impacted me over the years - they've made me stronger and now, finally, more motivated and determined than I ever have been. I know somewhere Dad is looking down on me, and I want him to know - honestly, that I am doing all I can in my life to make him proud and show him the son that he never got to see. I hope that Mother is somewhere safe and I pray that she thinks of me as I think of her. I love you both, and I know that regardless of what went on between the two of you - that you both loved me and my brother more than we will ever know. As the holiday's are upon me now, I plan on spending them with my family. My nephew, Jacob, is in my life now. My stepmother is in my life now. My Uncle, who is battling so much with his illnesses, is still in my life. And my new family member, Mark, is in my life as well. I am grateful for all of them - I don't think they will ever realize how much. Thank you all for making this year better for me. I love you all and Happy Thanksgiving!

Death

Today, I received the news that no one my age wishes or wants to hear.  My father, aged 50, died this morning in his workshop.  At first, and even still, the shock is full on - coupled with tears.  I never really got to know him.  He and my mother separated in 1986, when I was only 6 years old.  The animosity she had towards him was always something that kept my brother and I from having a fruitful relationship with him.  I wouldn't see him again till I was 16. My birthday.  He came over and gave me a birthday present: an acoustic guitar.  My mother never nurtured my music in that manner - she would never come to any of my concerts.  But yet, this man who I shared blood with - the very man, my mother called a jackass daily - acknowledged my musical talent.  I wouldn't see him again till 2003 - 2004, when he had a severe seizure that ended him up in the hospital.  I was naive then.  I wanted the relationship with my father - but was afraid to actually get that relationship.  Today, after receiving the news this morning, I regret my naivete.  I know, dad, that you are in a better place now.  Where you won't have to deal with the pangs of existence.  I will miss you.  I wish I had had the chance to share the joys the future holds for me.  I wish I had the chance to share the fruits of my work with you.  I wish I had the chance to get to know you.  To learn from the lessons you saw in life and to relish every moment of life - right to your old age.  I love you, Dad.