From Indianapolis

I haven't written anything in a week!  I am soooo sorry.  It's been a very hectic time the past week.  My father passed away and I've been in Indianapolis since.  Sadly, I haven't been able to compose - since my laptop is still in the shop AND I don't have a replacement.  Instead, I purchased a new desktop - which, of course, it is in Illinois.  Some news since:  my father's service is pending, i've met my nephew finally, i've gotten to know my step-mother and her family, AND I've come to realize I miss Indianapolis.  Whether that will equate to me moving back to my hometown - I don't know.  I enjoy the country, it's peaceful.  There's not a lot of people around.  I can compose to my hearts content.  Besides, I start school in June and will register for classes this next Monday.  So, I'm tied down there.  I suppose, if anything, this will mean lots of trips back to Indy to visit all my family - something I will from now on make a regular thing to do!

Death

Today, I received the news that no one my age wishes or wants to hear.  My father, aged 50, died this morning in his workshop.  At first, and even still, the shock is full on - coupled with tears.  I never really got to know him.  He and my mother separated in 1986, when I was only 6 years old.  The animosity she had towards him was always something that kept my brother and I from having a fruitful relationship with him.  I wouldn't see him again till I was 16. My birthday.  He came over and gave me a birthday present: an acoustic guitar.  My mother never nurtured my music in that manner - she would never come to any of my concerts.  But yet, this man who I shared blood with - the very man, my mother called a jackass daily - acknowledged my musical talent.  I wouldn't see him again till 2003 - 2004, when he had a severe seizure that ended him up in the hospital.  I was naive then.  I wanted the relationship with my father - but was afraid to actually get that relationship.  Today, after receiving the news this morning, I regret my naivete.  I know, dad, that you are in a better place now.  Where you won't have to deal with the pangs of existence.  I will miss you.  I wish I had had the chance to share the joys the future holds for me.  I wish I had the chance to share the fruits of my work with you.  I wish I had the chance to get to know you.  To learn from the lessons you saw in life and to relish every moment of life - right to your old age.  I love you, Dad.